I did everything with a smile on my face. How did nobody notice she was suffering? вЂњWe call it my mask,вЂќ she says with a sad laugh. While success was novel for MabelвЂ™s immediate team, she was signed to Polydor, who are no slouches. By January, she was shut in her bedroom with the blinds down, holding her new dog, Imani. She flew home, determined to get herself together in the month before her headlining tour began, and she opened the Brits ceremony. вЂњI donвЂ™t think IвЂ™m crying because IвЂ™m happy,вЂќ she recalls. There she learned she was nominated for three Brits, up with Lewis Capaldi, Dave and Stormzy for the most nods. She went to the Maldives with an aunt and an вЂњoverflowing cup of negative thoughts about myselfвЂќ. вЂњExhausting.вЂќД«y December 2019, MabelвЂ™s career was sparkling вЂ“ DonвЂ™t Call Me Up was the yearвЂ™s ninth biggest song in the UK вЂ“ but her self-esteem had tanked.

вЂњToo high? Too low? Too pop? Too Afrobeats, itвЂ™s not going to play on this radio station.вЂќ She sighs. Once a confident collaborator, now she questioned every note. By 2019, вЂњI was so busy I was hardly making music.вЂќ From the four days Mabel had in the studio that year, she felt painfully conscious that youвЂ™re вЂњonly as good as the last recordвЂќ. What happens when your coping mechanism makes you anxious? The irony is even worse, she jokes. Growing up in Stockholm, Mabel wrote songs to calm her anxiety. Gripped by fear of letting everyone down, вЂњI actually just ended up letting myself down.вЂќ вЂњI was getting messages telling me to do awful things to myself.вЂќ Maybe they were right, she thought: she didnвЂ™t deserve this success. вЂњPeople telling me IвЂ™m whatвЂ™s wrong with pop music,вЂќ she says. Inevitably, people noticed вЂ“ little of her easy humour and intelligence came through вЂ“ and she binged on the negative comments. вЂItвЂ™s all IвЂ™ve ever wanted and now IвЂ™ve got it, I feel like I donвЂ™t deserve it.вЂ™ Mabel opens the 2020 Brits at the O2 in London, before winning an award. She started underperforming on purpose, вЂњalmost like if I stay in the safe zone of about 50%, thereвЂ™s less chance bad things are going to happen and people are gonna hate meвЂќ. As the audiences multiplied, so did her lifelong anxiety and a new fear of failure. вЂњI put out DonвЂ™t Call Me Up on 18 January 2018 and basically didnвЂ™t have a day off from then until the end of the year.вЂќ (Despite her brain-scrambling schedule, she has an acute memory for dates.) Mabel and her team were new to this kind of success, learning on the fly: sure it makes sense to fly to Australia for a 36-hour visit, then New York for 48. Pop stardom happened so quickly, вЂњitвЂ™s like my soul didnвЂ™t catch up with my bodyвЂќ, she says. The house and buzzing family environment (her godparents live next door) also represent Mabel establishing sturdier roots as she attempts all that again вЂ“ with album two, the very good, very clubby About Last Night вЂ“ albeit with a strictly healthier approach.

вЂњFeeling like an outsider when I was younger makes me want everybody to feel welcome,вЂќ she says now, sounding sinusy from an immune condition. She once said she didnвЂ™t want to make music you needed a degree to enjoy. She found her voice as a no-nonsense, sex-positive R&B singer, then became the first lady of the UKвЂ™s Afrobeats-influenced pop scene, and a dance belter who brought a raised eyebrow to the club womp of Jax Jones and Joel Corry. In 2020 she won the Brit award for best British female, positioning her as the next Dua Lipa, although Mabel occupied a different lane.

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